His guiding star
by moonbird
Summary: Takes place after the first anime/Visual novel, from Mayushis perspective. To her, nothing happened. To Okabe, everything changed, he was a different person as a result. How does Mayuri react? That her oldest and best childhood friend was on a long a hard journey where she was unable to join him.


"How old was Okabe san?"

It was a weird question to ask, especially considering that Mayuri had known Okabe her entire life, they had grown up together. Played together as kids, watched old movies together, fallen a sleep in front of the television together, gotten scolded because of it by Mayuris grandmother together. They had always been together. And for all that time… Okabe had always been two years three months older than Mayuri.

That though… Wasn't true anymore.

It had gone so quick, blink and you would miss it. Probably even if you hadn't blinked you would still have missed… a phone call.

For her it only looked like a phone call, but it was so much more as Okabe picked up the phone, put it to his ears and then his eyes glazed over.

Her Okabe was gone… Replaced by another Okabe, an Okabe that had visited the next three weeks again and again. Over and over and over, seen and experienced in so many ways and in just two weeks, gone on replay for so long. Okabe had witnessed horror Mayuri couldn't quite wrap her head around.

He had looked so serious as he looked at them. "What-ever you do. You cannot experiment with that thing. You must not attempt to create time travel. Swear to me!"

It was the calmness in his voice as he spoke, the seriousness in his eyes. He was not Kyouma Hououin… He was Okabe Okarin, he was dead serious.

It was enough to send a chill down Mayuris spine, because it wasn't like him at all.

For the most time though, Okabe mostly seemed like himself, he would do his antiques, all though not quite as often. Sometimes he would be more quiet and somber and… He would ask Mayuri how she was doing every single day.

Now he would always ask where she was going, not in a loud mad science voice, but a quiet almost shy voice and then he would ask her to be safe.

When she came back relief would wash over his face. When she was about to go home, Okabe would stop what he was doing no matter what it was to follow her. Sometimes he would even take her hand.

He would hold her hand very tightly, and Mayuri would be able to feel the sweat in his palm.

"Okarin?" Mayuri looked up. "Are you okay?"

Okabe would sigh. "Yes… Yes i'm all right." he would assure in a slight smile.

It was a lie…. He was lying. Okabe… was not all right. But Mayuri couldn't get him to open up.

He was obviously carrying a huge sadness, a huge burden, he obviously wanted to cry, maybe he even wanted to scream.

Mayuri wished that he would… She wished she knew how to help.

All this went through Mayuris mind as she was clutching a grocery back filled with bananas, some juicy chicken nr 1 and multiple cans of doctor P.

Quietly Mayuri was walking up towards the lab, thinking about her issue. What she could possible.

That was when she heard it. A soft voice… a female voice speaking so softly.

"It's all right, i'm here… Mayuri is here. We are all here."

Mayuri felt herself freeze, she recognized the voice, though it wasn't normal for it to be so soft, usually it was much harsher and even cold. But it was soft.

That girl… She had only been here for a week. No more… She seemed nice enough but Mayuri didn't know this woman.. Not at all.

Mayuri swallowed then quickly stepped upwards and saw the door, being slightly open which was how she could hear the soft voice, a stream of light escaped the door unto the hallway and Mayuri leaned over and picked in, the sight that met her made her want to cry.

Right there, on the green worn out couch was Kurisu, the woman whom had appeared out of no-where, the woman whom Okabe had been willing to stab himself for to safe her, the scar on his stomach would be a permanent reminder of what he felt like he had to do.  
Kurisu... her head bowed over so her soft red hair was covering her face.

On her lap though… Was a young man, his lab coat had been thrown unto one of the chair, instead he was simply wearing jeans and a blue t-shirt, his head was nestled unto Kurisus lap as his eyes were squinted close, as if he was trying to absorbs her comfort.

There were wet streeks down his cheeks and the rim of his eyes were red… He had been crying. But not to Mayuri… To… Kurisu.

It was impossible to see Kurisus face, but Mayuri could see her hand, gently slipping through Okabes unruly hair, the motions making Okabe relax as he sighed deeply, the tension slowly leaving his body as he sighed.

Mayuri… hated feeling like this. Hated the sense of jalousie that arouse in her, why was Kurisu allowed to do that for him? Why not Mayuri?

Mayuri squinted her eyes. No! This was selfish thinking! Kurisu was the one Okabe trusted, for what-ever reason that was. He needed her! Okabe needed Kurisu and Mayuri turned around, almost running back down the stairs.

Though that image was edged into her mind… She could not let it go.

The next day was awkward, Mayuri was her own sweet self and treated everyone nice as usual, she treated Kurisu as nicely as she could even though it was hard… Really hard.

Mayuri worked on her cosplays, then her hands started to tremble and then… She had to get out so she stood up.

"Mayuri?" Okabe blinked.

"Sorry." Mayuri swallowed. "I… I need some fresh air. Tuturuuu!" she shouted as she ran out.

"MAYURI!" Okabe sbouted as Mayuri was running out… Was he coming after her?

Mayuri didn't even know if she was hoping for that or not. As she reached the roof top though, he wasn't there and Mayuri swallowed as she walked to the edge, looking towards the cityscape.

That is when a person finally came… But it wasn't Okabe, it was… Her.

"Mayuri." the soft voice spoke.

Mayuri swallowed. "Ha-Hallo." she spoke. "Kurisu."

Kurisu halted, she looked down, then she looked up. "Mayuri I… I know you saw us. Yesterday." she admitted. "In the lab."

Mayuri gasped.

"We… We weren't doing anything. Okabe was just tired." Kurisu began flustered. "I mean.. He just… He just needed to get it out. Some stuff and.."

Mayuri turned around, finally revealing her tear striken face.

"Mayuri." Kurisu gasped.

"Why you though?" Mayuri asked.

Kurisu swallowed.

"Why you?" Mayuri asked. "Okarin.. He's been through a lot. I know that much… Even though I don't understand at all what he's been through." she admitted. "Is that why? I am not smart like you, so I don't understand at all."

"No, Mayuri, that is not." Kurisu tried hopelessly.

"Why you?" Mayuri asked in a cry as she burst into tears. "Okarin was always there for me! Always ready to help! All I want, I wanted to help him when he needed it! Now is that time, but I am not the one helping him." she cried. "Why am I so useless to him?" she asked as tears ran down her face. "Why wont he let me in?"

Kurisu looked at Mayuri. "Mayuri you're wrong… He needs you." she stated.

"How?" Mayuri asked. "How does he need me?"

Kurisu looked at the younger girl, a sad shadow coming across her eyes. "Okabe-san he… He went through horrible things. Hopeless things, impossible choices were laid upon his shoulders… choices no one should have to make, yet he had to. As he relieved the past three weeks again, and again… and again. Repeating the same weeks over and over, even without such threats, it would drive any normal person insane."

Mayuri swallowed as she tried to hold back her tears and Kurisu continued, in her calm patient voice.

"Okabe-san would have gone insane to, if not… If not for the one thing that kept him going, the one thing that gave him strength to continue. It was you." she finally stated.

Mayuri looked up. "Me?" she asked.

"Yes, for every hard moment he had, for every impossible choice he had to make, you were the one making him even capable of continuing!" Kurisu stated. "You are his guiding star, what he can always aim for! Without you he would be more than just lost, he would be broken. For good." she stated.

"Guiding star?" Mayuri asked. "But stars are so far away… You… You are the one he dares to rely on, lean towards." then she bit her lip. "I see… You are like a stone pillar. Someone he could always rely on… right?" she asked.

Kurisu halted, then looked down.

Mayuri swallowed closing her eyes, then Kurisu glanced up.

"I suppose that means… He needs the both of us." Kurisu commented. "It's funny really, Okabe and I, we've been trying to write his memories down, make a timeline of events. We are trying to write down everything Okabe went through chronologically, it seems to be the only thing that can help him. Something weird happened though, according to him."

"What?" Mayuri stated.

"Only if we both lived could the world be saved."

Mayuri blinked. "What?" she asked.

"Mayuri… if you died. The future would be a dictatorship, no one would be free, everyone would suffer." Kurisu stated. "And if I died… a new world war would break out, billions would die and everyone would suffer."

"Are you… Serious?" Mayuri asked.

"There is no way to tell for sure, we only have Okabes word." Kurisu admitted. "How-ever… I think, if either of us died. There is one world that would be destroyed forever… Okabes world." she stated and Mayuri looked up. "We both have to live, or his world will be destroyed, he'll be destroyed."

Mayuri swallowed as she looked up, up at the clouds, as if she was looking at the stars hiding behind them. "I see." she commented. "For ones… I actually understand."

Kurisu looked at her and Mayuri smiled.

Then Mayuri spoke. "I love Okarin." she stated. "And I love Kyouma Hououin. Kurisu..." she turned back meeting Kurisus eyes. "Do you love Okarin?"

Kurisu halted, then held a hand to her chest as she swallowed meeting Mayuris innocent questioning eyes, she could not lie to those eyes. "That is… I mean, I only just… I… Yes." she then admitted. "I… I remember, parts of all the times we spend together, across different world lines. I remember, how hard he tried, how desperate he was. I've seen how kind he is, he makes everyone smile, he wants everyone to smile even if it means his own humiliation. He's been through so much and yet… He is still so sweet. How… How can you not love that?" she asked.

"I see." Mayuri nodded. "So, I suppose we better work together then. His guiding star and his stone pillar." she smiled.

"Yeah." Kurisu nodded. "I… I wont allow his world to be destroyed. Mayuri, let us do what we can."

Mayuri smiled warmly, though she hated how her eyes were growing wet. "Uhu." she nodded.

Then she closed her eyes, putting a hand over her heart.

So… She couldn't both be guiding star and stone pillar. What mattered though was… She was helping Okabe.

You don't get to rule over your heart, his heart had chosen Kurisu…. He needed his pillar. She would be there too though, there to be his guiding star.

"Okarin." she whispered. "What I want most… I want you to be happy."

Kurisu smiled as she stepped forward and put a hand on Mayuris shoulder, then pulled her towards herself.

"He wanted to come up after you, he was scared you were in danger." Kurisu admitted. "I was the one stopping him, told him that sometimes men just don't get girl stuff. He didn't like that at all."

Mayushi smiled amused. "Kurisu..." she looked up. "I want to understand what Okarin went through. Will you tell me?" she asked.

Kurisu shook her head.

"But.." Mayuri swallowed.

"I wont tell you." Kurisu stated. " _He_ will, when he managed to get his thoughts back on track. You will not believe how complicated everything must have been for him. I get pretty confused to trying to figure it out sometimes."

"You really think he will?" Mayuri asked.

"Mayuri..." Kurisu looked at her. "He first chose you."

"What?" Mayuri asked.

"Back when he thought he had to let one of us die." Kurisu stated. "He chose to let you live."

Mayuri gaped. "Why?" she asked.

"Because." Kurisu stated in a soft smile. "You are his guiding star, his pure light."

"I don't understand." Mayuri breathed. "If that is true then… Aren't you angry with him?" she asked.

"No." Kurisu shook her head. "Because… The time I got to spend with him… Has been the weirdest, craziest, most wonderful time in my life. I can't actually be angry with him." she smiled amused.

"You love him." Mayuri concluded then smiled. "I'm glad he chose you." she stated. "We'll make him happy, together." she smiled and Kurisu smiled as well.

"Yes. We'll make sure of it!" she stated.


End file.
